With an ocean view, I
am sat at my desk watching how the waves are hitting the coastline
with full force generated by the stormy wind that never seems to
stop. Everything is grey and with the constant fog that hasn't lifted
from the island over the last few days, it is difficult to say where
the ocean and the sky separate. For a girl like me, who all her life
has considered herself to be the child of sun, it is a foreign
concept to find beauty and comfort in this still greyness, and yet
here I am with an even more foreign concept in my heart and soul not
feeling like I am in need for a holiday (despite the unkind weather
conditions) to check out from my life for a few days. Well, I would
certainly not say no to a plane ticket to Barcelona (to my favourite
place on earth, I could never say no) but for the first time in my
life, I am in love with the grey (literally) everydays.
Back in January when I
thought my life was falling apart (let's be honest, no wonder it was
as I consciously decided to press the 'restart' button on every
single aspect of it without having the 'what comes next' part figured
out), I couldn't stand the creeping greyness inside me. There I was
back home with my parents crashing on the couch, not only jobless but
careerless and heartbroken, out of a relationship that had blinded my
better judgement to the point that I had thought I would be marrying
the guy one day. Looking at my life felt exactly what it feels like
looking out the window right now...dense fog everywhere and no
ability to see with clarity regardless how hard I was trying to look
in the distance. I felt empty, lost and mortified that at the age of
27 the girl who has always jumped through the hoops looking at the
bigger picture, all the sudden had no bigger picture to keep moving
towards. I was full of questions regarding life and myself with no
answers except one:
'We're all going to
die. We don't get much say over how and when, but we do get to decide
how we are gonna live. So do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to
live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can
be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe
in. Breathe out and decide.'
So I decided that since
I was going through the most intimidating time of my life, I may as
well approach it as a blessing in disguise instead of absolute chaos.
A chance that people very rarely get to start all over, and I really
mean ALL over. And the moment I shifted my mindset from 'oh my world,
my life is falling apart' to 'oh my world, I have a completely blank
page in front of me that I can colour with bright colours as I wish',
that creeping greyness has lifted from my mind, heart and soul. I
felt completely free and in control at the same time because I
realised I am the one holding the key to my own happiness, I just had
to be bold to get out there and find magic. After very much needed 3
therapeutic weeks back home in the safety net of my wonderful family,
I finally felt ready with regained strength to get back on the plane
to Manchester where all I had waiting for me was rent to be paid. But
I was excited, I had nothing yet I had everything because my bohosoul
was finally back! I had this insane, weird and inexplicable feeling
in my gut that despite all the options that would suggest me packing
up my stuff and leave the UK behind, I still had unfinished business
to do there. Magic was waiting for me, I just had to make space for
it to enter my life. I truly believe in the law of attraction and
that our thoughts and emotions shape our reality. So I had to start
shaping my reality by doing the hard work on myself. I started
running again but this time to reenergise my whole being not to
please my ego. I did a 7-day juice cleanse to detox my body, mind and
spirit (I know some might say it is radical to only consume vegetable
juices for a week but for the last 4 years, my annual juice fast
always worked wonders on me). I got my vision board done (the process
of deciding what it is EXACTLY that you want to attract into your
life has magic powers in itself), taken my situation among other
things I wrote on it 'job that I love' in bright purple letters and
hanged it on the wall opposite my bed so that would be the very first
and last thing I would set my eyes on each day. I didn't know what
that job would be (very difficult to start the job hunt when you
don't even know what key word to put into the search bar) but I was
sure of one thing: I didn't just want a job to pay my bills, I wanted
a career driven by passion that would get me out of bed each morning
with excitement and a booming smile on my face... That 'do what you
love, love what you do' sort of work (now you might understand my
troubles when it came to job hunting)... Not much to ask for, right?!
Weeks passed by
scrolling through hundreds of job advertisements and I found nothing
that would get me excited (remember, I wasn't just looking for A
job). And then fate knocked on my door when I spontaneously bumped
into a friend I hadn't seen in years (and just like that, your whole
life can change in an instant!) who was in the process of starting
her own pizza business. Long story short, I was asked whether I would
partner in and although I knew nothing about making pizzas, I knew
this: I love cooking (with a successful gastro blogger mum, genuine
passion for cooking is in my veins), I love the craziness of
hospitality (and being stuck behind a desk, away from face-to-face
customer interaction made me realise I missed hospitality more than I
valued the 'freedom' of having a Monday to Friday schedule) and
playing a key role in a start-up whilst putting everything I had
learnt about business in uni would get me one step closer to my dream
of running my own vegan cafe one day. So the only question was, could
making pizzas for a living make me happy??? Well, well, well...the
first time I hand kneaded pizza dough was love at first sight... and
seeing how the babies (call me a mad woman but yes, I refer to pizzas
as babies) come to life through fermentation, balling up, stretching
and then baking was magic. And there it was what I had been searching
for all this time but couldn't find the keyword to put in the search
bar of google for... MAGIC that fills my heart and soul with
excitement, passion, love and happiness! So I packed my stuff and
after 3 years I said goodbye to Manchester, moving back to Nottingham
where it all had started 6 years ago. Life has mysterious ways,
sometimes you find yourself back to square one after walking around
in a circle and yet you arrive back to the starting point as a very
different person to the one who left the very same place. Moving back
to Nottingham after all these years taught me that sometimes you need
to lose yourself (as hard as bearing that feeling is) in order to
really find yourself.
There I was living and
loving life to the fullest. The business was going great, I was
earning money being in complete control of my own schedule while
doing something I loved, living in my studio apartment (at the age of
27 living on your own for the first time feels like THE official step
into adulthood after years of shared apartments), with a buzzing
social life surrounded by wonderful people (making up for the golden
university times that most have, which I never had a chance to tap
into while balancing full time night work with daytime uni
commitments for years). I was high on life, with a sense of
belonging, feeling like I was home for the first time since I had
moved away from Hungary. My dad always says life aims for balance, so
when things are going too great, you should kind of expect shit
hitting the fan at some point. Well, it certainly did big time when
my greedy and insecure 'business partner' decided to sneakily and
quietly push me out the business (life lesson learnt, never get
involved with anything unless papers are signed and sealed no matter
how much you think you can trust someone!). And there is was fate
again, knocking on my door once again, at the most incredible timing.
As it became more and more apparent that on paper I would never
become business partner like I had been promised no matter how much I
was putting my heart and soul into getting the business up and
running, I got a message from a friend completely out the blue asking
whether I would consider coming to the Faroe Islands to make pizzas.
I was like, where to??? (I have to admit, I had no clue which side of
the earth we were talking about...)
Before I knew it, my
happy dance BBQ that I was in the process of organising for my
birthday got the 'farewell' noun added to it. I had no logical
explanation for my decision to leave my life behind of the 6,5 years
in the UK (it wasn't even a matter of packing up my stuff and move,
it was a matter of picking stuff out and moving with 2 bags to
completely start from zero on a remote island where I don't speak the
language, I don't know anything or anyone and with no direct flight
to take me home if something was to go wrong), it was more like a
calling, fate telling me I just had to trust the opportunity that I
got presented with jumping into uncertainty once again. Even for a
girl like me who is a firm believer that everything happens for a
reason, making such a drastic and quick life-changing decision was
mad. But hey, I have never been known to play it safe as in the end
we only regret the chances we didn't take. And I had my butterflies
wings to keep me safe! That is how fate brought me to the land of
lambs, waterfalls, rainbows and maybes exactly 2 months ago and I got
to say, I couldn't be more grateful for this journey! Since this blog
piece once again got long enough already, I will elaborate on my
remote life here the next time, but my message for today is this:
Life is unpredictable. Hardship, challenges and uncertainty are
thrown at us with the aim for growth. Be bold, take chances and never
stop believing that everything you encounter in life is there to
serve you with a purpose. Life lessons to be learnt, changes to be
made, work to be done on yourself, and all of that for you to become a better version of yourself! Fight for your bohosoul against
the odds because happiness never comes easy but it is certainly worth
it 🦋
Happy Saturday! x
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